So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
