i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
