I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
