I'm lost and stupid without you.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
