Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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