I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
