It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
