my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
