i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My pussy is not your playground.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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