i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
