I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize