why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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