Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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