I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
