I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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