ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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