Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
