Cold hands, warm shart.
4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
