not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
