WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
