I cockslap morals
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
