remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
