I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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