If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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