There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
