i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
