Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
