I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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