i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
