turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize