It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
