worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
