when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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