i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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