I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
