I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
