You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
