We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize