Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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