You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
