Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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