oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
