people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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