I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
