Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
