What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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