Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
