Michael Bay diarrhea
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
