If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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