oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
A bitchslap is in order.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
