1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
