I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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