May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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