"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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