i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
