I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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