I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize