Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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