WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
