farters have to be the big spoon...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
