wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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