Soap is not a condiment
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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