we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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