Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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