The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
