I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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