Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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