dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
