sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
