No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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