Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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